BY: Joy Pitts, MS, LPC, MIOP

True Hope Counseling, PLLC

The shift from a relaxing summer to the school year can be a difficult adjustment for children. No matter the time of year, they are most successful in a stable, structured, and loving environment. While their education is important, mental wellness and emotional intelligence are also essential for success. As parents, we play an instrumental role in helping children achieve and learn skills to achieve mental wellness.

Below are some suggestions that will help ensure your child has a healthy and fun school year.

Don’t exasperate your children.

Have a family meeting prior to the start of the school year to set expectation and limitations for the school year. Some areas to address include: curfews, internet use, homework, bed times, etc…. Children act out when they become frustrated and do not know the limitation or expectations.

Create balance in your child’s life.

It is good for your child to experience and try new things such as sports or activities, yet it is also important to have down time and family time. Balance is the key. Too much of anything is a bad thing. For example: Studying is good. Studying 4-5 hours every night is not good. Sports are good. They teach disciple, sportsmanship, team work, and provide exercise. Yet, participating in too many sports may create overwhelmedness, exhaustion, and difficulty finding time to do homework, family interactions, friends, or rest.

Open lines of communication.

It is time to turn off your cell phone and listen. Children need to be heard and feel they can talk to their parents about anything. Children are becoming confused by all the current topics (i.e. sexuality, drugs, and spirituality) and they are not sure where they fit in and/or what they should be participating in. We need to be available to our children to help them process all this information and be aware of suicide warning signs such as the following: withdrawing or feeling isolated; giving away items they treasure; feelings of hopelessness/lack of worth; mood swings; sleeping too much or too little; talking about or posting about suicide or wanting to die (or not wanting to live) and looking for ways to commit suicide; agitation and irritability; and/or substance use. The child does not have to have all the symptoms. The more signs the child displays the more at risk there is for suicide. Please seek help immediately from a professional if you are concerned.

National Suicide Prevention – 1-800-273-8255

Learn everything about your child.

Get involved and know their likes and dislikes. The more you know about your child the more rapport you will have with them and they are more likely to have difficult conversations with you. Here are some of the areas to know: your child’s likes and dislikes, their teachers, principal, coaches, classes; friends; classes; and struggles. You will be able to take action when necessary knowing these things to help keep your child safe.

Teach your child coping skills (breathing skills, asking for help, exercise, rest, writing down your emotions, etc….).

Coping skills can be demonstrated through modeling. Children learn from what they see us do. Help them to understand self care is important and take breaks and resting is necessary to maintaining emotional wellness.

If you have trouble knowing or modeling coping skills or self care, resources can be obtained through a professional, at the library or even on the internet.

Physical health is important to a child’s mental health.

A healthy life style sets to stage for a child’s success. The main components of a healthy lifestyle include: exercise, sleep (rest), healthy eating, and doctor check up (physical, eye appointment/treatment, hearing testing/treatment, and dental/appointments/treatment.

Sleep is essential. It can help a child handle the events of the next day. According to the National Sleep Foundation: Newborns need 11 to 13 hours of sleep.  Infants need 10 to 11 hours of sleep. Toddlers 1 to 2 years old need 9-10 hours. Preschoolers 3 to 5 years of age need 10-13 hours of sleep. Children 3 to 5 years of age should sleep 10 to 13 hours a day. Children 6 to 13 years of need 9 to 11 hours of sleep. Teenagers need 8-10 hours of sleep. Young Adults need 7-9 hours of sleeps. When children do not get enough sleep, they tend to act out. Lack of sleep can look like ADHD symptoms.

Exercise – Exercise releases the ‘feel good’ endorphins to the brain.

Make sure your child’s basic needs are met.

A child’s basic needs must be met before they are able to learn. Basic needs include: shelter, food, rest, safety (protection and security), and order (structure, limitations, etc..) Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. A child must have a safe environment in order to move to a level of learning.

We are living in a time of instant gratification, lack of face to face interactions, complex relationships, and excessive expectations leaving parents emotionally bankrupt when interacting with their own children. Most anything we want or need we can get in a short period of time and when we have to wait for anything we become frustrated and sometimes angry. Which causes employers to expect more from employees to meet the needs of their clients in a timely fashion. Employees work longer hours and are expected to be available to their employer by phone or email even when they are not on the clock. We rarely know our neighbors or spend quality time with our friends or family. Even when we do, electronics interrupt or steal the time from our loved ones.

Children and teens are not exempt from the pressures of this fast paced culture. They are expected to perform well at school, succeed in sports activities, adjust to blended or complex family issues and pick up the slack of chores left by overwhelmed parents. In addition, bullying has become more prevalent with social media and parents are not as accessible to their children because they are trying to meet the expectations of the current culture. This leaves many children feeling helpless, hopeless, and worthless. Their behavior and attitude begin to change in many ways and this leaves parents asking ‘Is my child suicidal?’. Which is an excellent question considering “Suicide is a major problem affecting youth; it is the 3rd leading cause of death among 10-24 year olds.” American Psychological Association.

Suicide warning signs:

• Excessive sadness or moodiness.
• Lack of interest in things they use to enjoy.
• Use/abuse of substance alcohol
• Talking about death or suicide.
• Giving away prized possessions.
• Hopelessness
• Dramatic mood changes
• Trouble sleeping
• Dangerous or self harm behavior (reckless driving, unsafe sex, etc… )
• Secluding their self
• Recent trauma or life crisis
• Feelings of rage or uncontrollable anger
• Calmness after a period of depression

Most parents want the best for their children, yet lack adequate resources to provide the basic needs (food,clothing,shelter) or more complex needs (safety, structure, stability, and attention). They have to be creative in meeting the needs of their children. Being proactive in suicide prevention is the key.

Proactive steps for parents include but are not limited to the following:

1. Provide a healthy, stable, structured, and consistent environment.
2. Listen to your child attentively (without electronics and unconditionally. For example: I will still love you no matter what you tell me. There may be a consequence, yet I will not stop loving you.
3. Spend uninterrupted quality time with your child.
4. If your child reports being bullied, take it seriously and take action.
5. Help your child find balance in their life. Anything in excess is not good. (Too many activities. Too much social media, video games, or television.)
6. Get your child help if they are struggling in any one area (academic achievement, peer relationships, physical issues, etc.)
7. Don’t be afraid to talk to your teen about suicide.

Rhonda Schmitzer, a mother who has lost a son to suicide in 2010 states the following:

“Teens must understand that suicide is NOT, nor EVER will be the answer. They must understand that they can talk about their bad moments. Their bad days. It’s OK to have them. It’s OK to not be OK. But they must find someone to talk to.

They also should know that their words to other teens can be destruction that trigger actions (suicide). It is important for them to make sure their words trigger love actions.”

Last but not least —-   Get help right away if you suspect your child may be suicidal. Trust your intuition.

CALL 911 or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) for assistance.

Beginning Therapy can be frightening. The goal at True Hope is to create an environment where you feel comfortable to share your emotions and experiences comfortably. The office is very calm and relaxing. Please feel free to wear comfortable clothes and bring a drink.

We will work to identify what already works in your life, as well as eliminating obstacles that may be holding you back from a happy, healthy, and successful life.

On your first visit:

1. You will arrive 10-15 minutes early to complete intake paperwork.The intake paperwork includes:
   a. Basic demographic and contact information
   b. Important medical history
   c. Current prescription/medications
   d. Previous Therapy
   e. History of drug and alcohol
   f. History of trauma

 

2. After offering you a drink, we will review the intake paperwork you have completed and answer any questions you have regarding it or Therapy. All of your questions are welcome! This will likely take another 10-15 minutes. Everything we discuss is confidential with some exceptions, which we will discuss when reviewing the intake paperwork.

 

3. After the intake paperwork and review, we will begin to discuss current problems or issues you are experiencing, as well as the strengths you possess. Additional questions regarding your history and goals for Therapy will be asked to obtain a clear picture of obstacles blocking your success. We will be a team in moving in the direction you would like to go. The entire first session will take approximately one hour and ten minutes. Please be aware detailed notes will be taken to ensure quality care is given to you consistently.